Mark Scandrette

Last Friday night while Lisa and I were dining at the bar in our favorite Italian restaurant, a young man sat down next to us and promptly initiated a conversation,
“So, what do the two of you do for a living?,” he asks. I explain that I am a writer and teacher with an organization working to help people integrate the message of Jesus into their everyday lives, and then add:
“We are fascinated with what Jesus and his message can offer—as distinct from what many people expect through their experience with organized religion.”
I hope to say more, but he quickly interjects:
“I grew up Catholic and I have no respect for the church. When I was seventeen a priest paid me six hundred dollars to [perform oral sex on him].”

He goes on to tell about a conversation he had in a London hotel with some Christian college students:
“I found them to be very close-minded and judgmental,.” he says. I reply,
“Their intentions were likely noble–they probably just had limited life experience and would become more generous and understanding with age and maturity. In my experience, people who are the most judgmental often struggle with the same issues they condemn in others.”

Then he launches into a sordid tale about his time at prestigious Christian college–where he was on a four-year scholarship. The bar tender leans in to listen.

“So, my freshman year at this college I worked as a male stripper at a gay club. I wasn’t gay—just crazy rebellious. Well, fast-forward three years. I met this girl who was a senior and we started having sex in her dorm room. Her roommates secretly reported this to the administration and we were separately called into a review by the adminis-tration. She had her meeting first and they expelled her from the school. It was against school policy for students to have sex on campus. I was freaking out! I started calling friends all over the country trying to figure out how to get into another school to graduate my senior year. So when I walked into the meeting with the administration and a peer review board the school official behind the desk saw me was suddenly startled. He nervously rechecked the incident report and asked, ‘So, you’re Daniel Flannagan?’ It turned out that the guy was a frequent patron of the strip club where I had worked– and regularly shoved dollar bills down my shorts. He quickly dismissed the charges and reinstated my girlfriend as a student so she could graduate. The students on the peer review board had to have been so confused— no one ever brought up the incident again.”

“What did this experience make you think about faith?” I ask. He replies, “People can talk all they want about morality and ethics, but it’s how you really live that matters.”

“That’s exactly what our organization tries to help people do,” I say. Changing the subject I ask, “How do you spend your time?”
“Well, to be quite frank, the past seven months I’ve been nursing quite a drinking problem. That’s why I’m starting with beer and Sprite tonight. I work as a bartender at an upscale restaurant and get hammered every night.

“Is this something you hope to change?,” I ask.

“My girlfriend is a radiologist and the other day she did a sonogram of my liver. She thought it would be trashed– but was shocked that it appears to be fine. It must be my Irish blood. I can pass out drinking every night and still get up and go running or work-out the next morning.”

I respond with a story: “I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic and he says that for him it was never about the drinking– the addiction was just a way he chose to mask to deeper problems. Do you find that to be true for you?”

He answers: “It is definitely deeper than the drinking. It used to be worse when it was about sex. Sometimes I would leave my friends at a social event just because I had to go have sex.”
“How serious are you about dealing with these issues?, I asked.

“My drinking is definitely beginning to affect my relationship with my girlfriend—and she and her kids mean a lot to me. I need to find a day job that doesn’t involve serving alcohol. The sex thing is getting better—I’ve stayed with one person for nearly a year now—that is a major achievement for me.”

He offers to buy us each a drink and we politely decline. Lisa has been nudging my knee for some time to remind me that we are out on a date. We exchange contact information and wish each other well and I settle our bill. When we walk outside the air is dusky warm—and I feel energized by this serendipitous and feel the lingering surprise of this intense conversation. When we got home I typed a quick note:

Daniel, You were pretty honest and vulnerable about issues in your life—including alcohol dependency. If I wasn’t on a date with my wife, I would have loved to have stayed to talk longer. One of the things I do is spiritual direction and life coaching for friends and clients. If you ever need someone to talk to about changes you are hoping to make in your life, I’d be glad to listen and offer support—not for pay, just as a friend.”

He quickly replied to my note, “Great to meet you as well. Nice to bump into people that see a different, maybe bigger inter-connected picture than most. I appreciate the life- coaching offer. I can never have too many friends, especially smart ones. I’ll stay in touch and am sure to see you guys again.

I can only imagine how God may be orchestrating a series of chance encounters in Daniel’s life with a chorus of characters who can help him along in his journey toward grace.